Why I become like this ?

The one million ringgit question !

First , I think , after I put a long rhought about it , Muhasabbah diri of sorts , travelled every corners of the country ... I became clear . Ini kerja Allah .

I was 45 when I met her . She was 41.

It happens in 2007

We got married ., despite so many obstacles , we proceeded to Thailand.

At 45 then ...I thought I can make it again , after falling ... I thought I found the right type of woman . She was selling kueh di tepi jalan , she was retrenched . I was there as I am now  , selling my own products that I developed on my own .. and I can hold my arms ., I can work without my mind disturbed .prior to this I was alone for a few years .

I waited 6 years plus , she was doing things that I think and ordinary man , could never  imagined . She went away , , she stayed away , over 6 years , I consumated the marriage about only 5 percent , the most she was with me for the longest 14 days .. she will disappear , .. she left or she will be kidnap by her children from me., or simply go .

She only spent the raya days once , the rest of the raya days , she was not with me .I was alone somewhere without the raya ambience for years 

In 2007 , if everythings works well as planned , I could have made it . It was supposed to be easy . There was a house i can called home , the wife is at home , the children stayed together at least the youngest one that still schooling at the time , her mother , who was sick at 90 years old could stay there , the elsedt and the second children the had finished school , working at fast food outlet . 

I bought a Kanci for her use to the markets but the eldest son always drive away the car . At times he drive out for a few nights never to return .

I would have drive out to do sales on my products in the Waja . I ant return over the weekend , replenished my cloting to go out again  find money to support the family , my calculation is that I have to work out around 3 K a month to just make it through .. simple .

But the children buat dajal ., along with their father , they frame me out . 

My sales plan went heywire ...

Most of the money are spent on accomodation . I had to spent RM 120.00 a day minimum .